12.03.2004

This year we've outsourced Christmas to China Ethical Corporation (12.01.04)
Ho Ho Ho, and a lump of coal with your pink slip! Ho Ho Oh...

Myth 1) Father Christmas lives at the North Pole

This is actually incorrect. He did, but has now been relocated to a low cost base in southern China and currently works out of an unheated shipping agents office in Fujian Province.

He's shaved the beard off, given up the egg nog and is learning Mandarin.

Myth 2) Santa's Little Elves make all the toys

This is sadly no longer true either.

Father Christmas and his non–executive directors hired a leading firm of City accountants who undertook a cost benefit analysis and decided to relocate the Elves to Guangdong and replace them with migrant workers from Hubei province.

At present toy production is continuing though reportedly a row is brewing over Father Christmas's refusal to recognise the All China Federation of Trade Unions (ACFTU).

Hey, but at least you can get all the cheap plastic crap at Wal–Mart right? I mean worker protections, and fair & living wages are so 20th century... Ho Ho Ho. Bah humbug.

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