4.05.2004

From the "We Have to Hold Our Nose" File (because John Stossel tends to be a real jagoff)
Confessions of a Welfare Queen - How rich bastards like me rip off taxpayers for millions of dollars ReasonOnline (3/04)

Ronald Reagan memorably complained about "welfare queens," but he never told us that the biggest welfare queens are the already wealthy. Their lobbyists fawn over politicians, giving them little bits of money -- campaign contributions, plane trips, dinners, golf outings -- in exchange for huge chunks of taxpayers' money. Millionaires who own your favorite sports teams get subsidies, as do millionaire farmers, corporations, and well-connected plutocrats of every variety. Even successful, wealthy TV journalists.

That's right, I got some of your money too.

Then give it back you smug bastard.
Why? As my eager-for-the-business architect said, "Why not? If the ocean destroys your house, the government will pay for a new one."

What? Why would the government do that? Why would it encourage people to build in such risky places? That would be insane.

But the architect was right. If the ocean took my house, Uncle Sam would pay to replace it under the National Flood Insurance Program. Since private insurers weren't dumb enough to sell cheap insurance to people who built on the edges of oceans or rivers, Congress decided the government should step in and do it. So if the ocean ate what I built, I could rebuild and rebuild again and again -- there was no limit to the number of claims on the same property in the same location -- up to a maximum of $250,000 per house per flood. And you taxpayers would pay for it.

Thanks.

Don't thank us you fucker: pay us back. Fair is fair right? We're not kidding - you shouldn't be able to admit you scammed us like this and act like it's funny.
Andreas' attitude is rampant in many different areas of corporate America, and it's an ugly one. But there's always some legitimate-sounding justification. The politicians need your money for national security, research, job protection, or to "protect the food supply." After spending time on the golf course with lobbyists, politicians will find a way to justify almost anything. They justify giving subsidies to prosperous companies that sell goods overseas by saying that the resulting exports will be "good for America." They will be. But does Sunkist need taxpayer help to sell oranges? McDonald's to sell McNuggets to the Third World? Let them do their own marketing. My employer -- Disney, which owns ABC -- got tax money to create better fireworks at Disney World. Really.

Really? Really you should pay us back and so should they. Give it to the United Negro College Fund, Greenpeace or a school that trains guide dogs for the blind We're not fucking around here you bloody wanker.

And that moustache? It's looked completely fucking ridiculous for 20 years. You may be rich, but you've looked like an idiot on TV for 20 some years.

Does the concept of 'wealthy journalist' strike anyone else as a bit of a problem?

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